Lost Without You
by Nibert
Summary: It has only been a week since the attack on the Ministry. Only a week since Sirius fell through the veil. But, already, Remus knows he can’t continue. He can’t go on living without Sirius beside him. One Shot Slash


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling does. Please don't sue.

**Summary: **It has only been a week since the attack on the Ministry. Only a week since Sirius fell through the veil. But, already, Remus knows he can't continue. He can't go on living without Sirius beside him. (One Shot; Slash)

-:-O-:-

_Lost Without You_

Remus pushed open the door and stumbled into the room. He rattled through the papers on his desk. He threw off important documents, bills, letters from friends. But none of them were what he wanted. None of them were important anymore.

_"Remus, I need to confess something to you," the tall, dark-haired youth in front of me said. He looked worried, nervous, distant. But then, he seemed to look like that a lot these days._

"_Sure, Sirius, what is it?" I asked. This kid looks awful. My best friend looks like he's about to fall apart._

"_I… I just don't know who else to come to. I just thought, well, you seemed like the best one to come to. You won't tell James or Peter, will you?" Sirius looked horrified beyond belief at the thought of me telling either of them. But I wouldn't. I care for him too much, no matter what terrible secret he's harbouring._

"_No, never. Not if you don't want me to. Now, what's wrong?"_

"_I… well, Remus." Sirius broke off, and began to fiddle with his fingers. I heard him sniffle. He was about to cry. Sirius never cried._

"_Remus…" Sirius looked up and into my eyes. He looked heart-stricken, needy. "Remus, I think I'm gay."_

Remus continued to fumble around on his desk. It had to be here somewhere. He needed it, and he needed it now. He had to do this. Then, he saw a glint of beautiful brown ochre… his wand.

"_Remus, I need you. I want to hold you in my arms every night for the rest of my life. I love you, Remus." I watched my lover's lips say those words. He was beautiful when he spoke like this. Heck, he was beautiful when he _didn't_ speak like this._

"_I love you too, Sirius." I wrapped my arms around him. My hands began to play with he front of his school robes._

"_But you don't understand. I need you, Remus. I'd die without you." I smiled. Sirius was so sweet sometimes. Of course, no one else saw it. He didn't show them. But, he showed me._

"_I'd die without you too," I replied, pulling him closer. I pressed his back close to my chest and rested my head against his shoulder. I could stay like this forever. I was content to stay like that for all eternity. Being that close to Sirius just felt right._

Remus clasped his wand and fell onto his bed. There he sat for a moment, turning the object around in his hand, passing it back and forth, spinning it, stroking it. This was it; this was his chance to be with the one he loved.

"_Remus, may I have a word?" It never ceased to amaze me how casual Sirius could sound talking to me when he was around other people. We'd been going out for several years now, and he had never in that time let down his cool. If everyone else knew what was going on, well, that would be a disaster._

_I turned around and caught another glance of Sirius. I had seen him before, but now was the first time I'd really seem him up close. I'd tried to keep my distance. Sirius looked so good in a suit. I swear my face must've looked like a tomato I was blushing so much. The way those tight pants hugged his firm ass, the way his jacket lazily hung down and that casual nonchalant stance he had with his hands in his pockets. I could've pinned him to the ground and done him right there and then._

"_Yeah, sure." I followed Sirius around behind the church, until we were well out of sight. He immediately pinned me against the wall and kissed me passionately. I was lost in a world of intense passion and delightful euphoria. Sirius was an angel. Sirius was _my_ angel.  
_

_I was shocked when he broke the kiss off._

"_I love you, Remus, with all my heart and all my soul. And I want to tell them; I want to tell them all. I want to scream it from the top of the highest mountain. With James and Lily married now… well… I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Remus. I want to marry you."_

"_But, Sirius. You know no one will like it. And your family, they would hunt you down and kill you for sure. And, I couldn't live without you."_

"_My family wouldn't bother. They hate me as it is."_

"_But…" I broke off. There really was no excuse. "Sirius… I'm scared." Sirius bent forward once again, and took my lips in his._

"_Me too," he said._

Remus sat there looking at his wand. This was it. This was the end. No, the beginning. The beginning of another life; a life with Sirius. They had never been able to be together, but now, now they could be. Now they could be together. Forever.

_"Remus, Remus." He looked worried, scared, petrified. I hated to see him like this. The war was getting to him; the war was getting to us all. But this, this looked worse than general fear._

"_What is it Sirius?" I pulled him close, into a tight embrace. I took my right hand and began to stroke his cheek. It seemed to calm him, but he was still very agitated. My husband was shivering terribly. My husband… God, that sounded so weird. It was barely a week since we'd eloped. Only Lily and James knew. We hadn't even told Peter, yet. For some reason, Sirius hadn't wanted to._

"_Remus, it's awful. It's the worst possible thing. They're dead, Remus. Peter… he…"_

"_Sirius, calm down, what is it?"_

"_Remus, I can't talk. They're chasing me. Just, trust me, it wasn't me. It wasn't me."_

"_What wasn't you? What happened?"_

"_I love you, Remus, I will always love you. I will love you no matter how far we are apart, no matter how long we are apart. I will always love you. And I promise I will find you, even if it takes every last breath in my body." And with that, he heard a noise, one that I couldn't hear. I was too caught up in what he was telling me. What he was trying to tell me._

_In an instant he was once again a black dog. And, soon, he'd left my sight._

Remus was shivering. He was petrified. He didn't really know what was going to come next. But, he knew that he would be where ever Sirius was. And that was all that mattered. He nodded his head. That was all that mattered.

_"Remus…" the scruffy older man came up behind me. I turned around._

_"Sirius…" I leapt forward and embraced the man tightly. "Ever since that night when I…" I paused. "…and Pettigrew escaped. Oh, God, I was so worried. I thought I'd lost you."_

_"Remus," Sirius began, pulling me back and looking me in the eyes. "I told you I'd find you. I promised that no matter what happened that I'd seek out. And I have…" He trailed off, shifting his gaze down to his toes. "But, am I too late?" I cupped his face and forced him to look up at me._

_"Sirius, when they told me what you'd done, what you'd supposedly done, I tried to let go. I tried to tell myself that it had happened, that there were witnesses. But, some part of me, deep within, wouldn't believe it." My eyes began to water; I knew I was about to cry. But Sirius looked the same. "I couldn't let go. I promised I'd love you for eternity, and so far I'm on track." Sirius smiled, I copied._

_"I love you, Sirius Black."_

_"I love you too, Remus Lupin."_

_And with that he took me into a deep and passionate kiss._

Remus stopped twirling his wand and inhaled deeply. Exhaling in a long steady breath, he began to raise his wand. He let it rest against his temple. He blinked as one solitary tear trickled down his face. "Avada…"

_"Remus, you don't have to do this. It could be dangerous." Sirius said, squeezing my hand. His voice had a serious undertone that I didn't like._

_"What? And miss all the fun? Never!" I smiled._

_"I'm sorry, it's just… We've never really been together, and I don't want to loose you. Not now, not after everything." Sirius's head was bowed, as if he was ashamed of being protective._

_"Hey, it's OK." I said, stroking his face. He looked distressed. "It'll all be alright." Sirius nodded. "Now, how 'bout we go kick some Death Eater ass?"_

_Then came the blur. Us knocking down the doors and staring down on the Death Eaters. The flying streams of curses. Harry sending Malfoy flying. A jet of light landing squarely in Sirius's chest._

_And one lonely figure falling through a fluttering veil._

"…Kedavra."


End file.
